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Last Wednesday OF ZAIN AND MARIA


In Last Wednesday, ZAIN and MARIA are at their computers in the office having another glorious day of work. 
Zain : I’m exhausted.
Maria : Go take a nap.
Zain : Nah. I have too much to do.
Maria : Let it be then.
Zain : I’m running on empty.
Maria : Go have some coffee.
Zain : Nah. I’m not in the mood for coffee.
Maria : Let it be then.
Zain : I can’t keep my eyes open.
Maria : Go and put water on your face.
Zain : Nah. I can’t be bothered to walk to the bathroom.
Maria: Let it be then.
(beat)
Did I tell you what happened to me last Wednesday?
Zain : Yeah.
Maria : Oh. (beat) You sure?
Zain : Yeah. When you fell down the stairs.
Maria : When did I fall down the stairs?
Zain : Last Wednesday.
Maria : No. I didn’t.
Zain : Yes. You did.
Maria : No…I never fell down the stairs.
Zain stares at Maria a long time.
Zain : Oh.
Maria : What?
Zain : That was Bill.
Maria : That makes sense.
(beat)
So, I didn’t tell you about last Wednesday?
Zain : Tell me.
Maria : I…hold…I…
Maria quickly puts a tissue to his nose.
Zain : Bleeding again?
Maria : Yeah…damn.
Zain : I’d like to punch you in the face.
Maria : Excuse me?
Zain : It’s why your nose is bleeding. I thought about how I would like to take a swing at your nose to stop you from talking. It’s my fault. Sorry.
Maria : I didn’t mean to bother you.
Zain : I wish it was you who fell down the stairs.  Last Wednesday.
Maria : What?
Zain : You. Not Bill.
Maria stares at Zain for a long time.
Maria : It doesn’t work.
Zain : What?
Maria : I thought of something to happen to you and it didn’t work.
Zain : What did you think to happen?
Maria : That you’d flash me.
Zain : Oh.
Maria : A man can dream.
(beat)
Zain : Did you see it?
Maria : What?…No.
Zain : You missed it.
Maria : Damn.
(beat)
Zain : If you were to kill someone. How would you go about killing that someone?
Maria : Depends on the person and what they did.
Zain : Let’s say I wanted to kill you. How should I do it?
Maria : The best way to kill me?
Zain : Yes.
Maria : Run me down with a car.
Zain : You think?
Maria : Sure, why not?
Zain : Duly noted.
(beat)
Maria : SCREW THIS DAY!!!
Zain : Right.
Maria : SCREW THIS KNOCK DAY ALL DAY!!!
Zain : Right.
(beat)
You know, there’s not one man in this entire company that I would screw.
Maria : Is it because I smell?
Zain : It’s because your face smells.
Maria : Right. So, I smell okay to you?
Zain : Your face and your scent match actually.
Maria : Bravo.
(beat)
Zain : Look, I’m going to go up to the roof and throw myself off.
Maria : Take care.
Zain : Thanks.
Linda leaves.

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